THE MOST DISGUSTING COUPLE IN THE WORLD

For what seems like the longest time, my wife Karen and I have been occasional targets of snide comments, disdainful stares and sometimes just downright hostility from folks. Why? Well it’s because of how well she and I still relate to each other. The honeymoon never really ended for us. Therefore, we are the most disgusting couple in the world to a lot of those with whom we come in contact.

We’ve been married now for 27+ years. Friends of ours have referred to us as “DINKs”, which means “Double Income, No Kids”. The fact that we don’t have children gives us less reason to argue. And, more importantly, opportunities to walk around the house naked whenever we want.

The worst disagreement we have nowadays is which cat will take the blame when either Karen or I fart. I try to pawn the trouser trumpet off on Casey (her tomcat) and she will accuse Indiana (my tomcat) when Karen floats one of her air biscuits.

Specific things that have drawn the ire of people past and present:

a. Visible “passion marks” (also referred to as “war wounds”) on my neck, usually still there for several days afterwards (when Karen works on my neck, one of my erogenous zones, I’m helpless and just give in).
b. Showing affection to each other in public (but not in our respective work environments; usually it’s only people who aren’t “getting any” that would complain about us if we did this there).
c. Using cutesy little terms of endearment to and about each other (example: I call her “Love Princess” and she calls me “Moron” - isn’t that just precious?).
d. Holding hands or having our arms around each other like high school sweethearts.

If these are crimes (of passion?), then I must plead “Guilty”.

Laugh at this if you want or if you must, but living this kind of life ensures that I’ll be riding the “Nookie Train” for whatever time I have left here on Earth. In fact I think I hear the Conductor shouting “Booooooaaaaaarrrrrddddd!” now. Talk to you later.