CURSE OF THE QUEERWOLF

There exists in my life a young lady named Christina Buckner. She is the daughter of a dear friend of mine, but – as it turns out – Christina is like a daughter to my wife and I as well.

Through some quirk of fate, Christina developed a warped sense of humor that parallels (and in some way surpasses) my very own. I don’t know how this happened, really, because I was only briefly in and out of her life as she was growing up. Yet somehow, I must have subconsciously influenced her in some way because she truly IS like my own child.

Circumstances brought Christina and her family back into my life about 1.5 years ago and ever since then, she has consistently amazed me with her love and knowledge of the “bad movies” genre. When I learned she was into this, I took her under my wing and started introducing her to the classics in “alternative” film-making. You know, movies like THE TERROR OF TINY TOWN, THE CREEPING TERROR, THEY SAVED HITLER’S BRAIN, et. al.

Her love of these movies increased many-fold and then and there we started looking for the best of the worst – or is it the worst of the best? – in these kinds of movies. There were many fine modern entries, but in some cases the old black and white classics were, er, um…..well, CLASSIC!

Fast forward to Christmas, 2011. Christina, bless her sweet little heart, found out about this film a couple of months ago and managed to procure a DVD of it for me as a holiday gift. She was so excited about finding it that she almost told me what she’d gotten me before I actually got to open the present. My mind was predictably blown that she’d procured this little gem.

On to the movie: think ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW – but without those great Richard O’Brien songs.

Michael Palazzolo plays “Lawrence Smalbut” (get it?), a real manly type who gets bitten by a “Dickenthrope” (don’t ask) while on a date. Of course he starts changing into a “Queerwolf” upon each full moon after that. Apparently no shade of lipstick, eyeliner and nail polish is safe from that point on. ‘Nuff said on that level, I suppose.

Ed Wood alumnus Conrad Brooks makes a guest appearance as does the late great Forrest J. “Uncle Forry” Ackerman.

Thank you, Christina. Karen and I love you very much!

NEW BLOG ANNOUNCEMENT

Very happy to report here that extended family member Christina Buckner has started her very own blog. My wife Karen and I absolutely adore Christina and have come to think of her (and her siblings) as our own flesh and blood. One of my other blogs, http://anddahorseyourodeinon.blogspot.com is dedicated to both her and her brother, Mike.

Having known Christina almost from the day of her birth, it was a total surprise that in some ways she turned out to be very much like me. I’m not sure how this happened because there were huge gaps in time when I wasn’t around her, so I don’t see how my goofiness could have rubbed off on her. However, Karen and I could not possibly be more proud of her if she was our own daughter.

Christina and I share a love of bad movies and all other things absurd. I’m delighted to say that I was able to introduce her to films from my own collection which are universally acclaimed as “turkeys”. You know, films like THEY SAVED HITLER’S BRAIN, ROBOT MONSTER, SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS and THE TERROR OF TINY TOWN (the all-midget Western). It opened up a whole new world for her and for the past 1.5 years or so I’ve been exposing her to more and more films of this type. She’s been having a ball with them!

One of her many talents is her ability to identify the source of a problem and then pound it flat with her commentary until it seems much less like a problem anymore. This is a trait that a lot of politicians have, but Christina is much too ethical to run for political office, so the rest of us get to enjoy her wit sans the restraints of so-called political correctness.

Her inaugural blog entry is her take of last year’s re-make of the movie, I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE. Christina shoots from the hip on this one, so be prepared to laugh. Access her blog here: CHRISTINA BUCKNER'S WORLD