Monday, March 21, 2011


Another SYFY Channel gem here.

The Sharktopus, named S-11 (because I guess no one really wanted to call it “Burford”), is a genetically engineered creation specifically designed as a bio-weapon for the Navy. At first, S-11 has a device strapped to his head through which Scientist Dr. Sands (Eric Roberts) and his team can control their cuddly lil’ lab experiment. But then – you guessed it – the device breaks off during a test run and so now we have an uber-predator running (make that swimming) amok. But, not only does this mo-fo swim, he leaves the water, too, walking around on his tentacles.

This movie has the requisite military officer pinhead, the scientist who wants to succeed no matter how many casualties, an utterly selfish and unlikeable female television reporter and a protagonist who doesn’t quite make the grade as a wiseass hero-type.

Cute cameo by legendary producer and director Roger Corman as a mentally ill beachcomber who watches S-11’s tentacles come out of the water and latch onto a young bikini’d beauty. She’s using a metal detector on the shoreline at the time. It grabs her just after she finds a gold coin of some kind which she drops during the fray. After she disappears under the waves, the man grins at the water, retrieves the coin and happily heads off down the beach.

A highlight of the movie is seeing a bungee jumper basically feed herself to the Sharktopus. Too bad, really; she’d just overcome her fear of heights and was working on her second jump when S-11 leaps up out of the water and grabs her like a take-out meal. Thank you for your order, please pull through.

As an extra treat, you get to see some really bad “native” dancers in the Puerta Vallarta resort sequence. This particular type of bad dancing hearkens back to the musical numbers in those old Mexican wrestling films. I almost expected the Aztec Mummy to show up here.

If Eric Roberts would spend more time kissing his sister Julia’s ass, perhaps he’d be getting roles in her films and not be relegated to movies like this. Word to the wise, Eric.

Thursday, March 10, 2011


Again, thanks and praises go out to the wonderful, lovely Tina Buckner for hipping me to this movie’s existence. We experienced the wonders of the first film together but have not, to date, been able to congregate and screen this one. I watched it on my own on the evening of 3/9/11 and then texted her about it afterwards. Tina’s anxious to see it, no doubt.

Full Moon Studios apparently decided to do a “movie within a movie” type of scenario with PASSION OF THE CRUST. The action takes place at “Cheatum”, a run-down, seat-of-the-pants type movie company. Cheatum is specifically known (and celebrated) for its cheap, knock-off grade Z pictures – like SPACE SPANKERS 2015. During the filming of one of their latest epics, the Gingerdead Man runs around, largely unnoticed, killing people with a butcher knife of some kind. It gives new meaning to the term “cookie cutter”.

One person is electrocuted anally by a curling iron, though, which is inserted by our favorite perverted little cookie. It’s ok, though; I’m sure that even after death the victim’s butt hair remained properly curled without the need of hairspray.

Although he was in the first movie, Gary Busey apparently decided to take a pass on being in this one. Or perhaps they couldn’t get him out of a coma long enough to do it. The voice of the Gingerdead Man here is John Vulich.

The in-joke casting coup here, I think, is Michelle Bauer. A former Penthouse Pet of the Month way back when – and one of the stars of HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS - Ms. Bauer shows up as an ex- soft core porn star who is relegated nowadays to being a “hanger on”. She winds up providing some sweet treat catering (read into that what you will) to the film crew. Without any real explanation, the Gingerdead Man hitches a ride in her donut box (no, that is NOT a metaphor) to begin wreaking havoc on the movie set.

This movie has many funny moments, including parodies of the Full Moon Studio’s own “demonic toys” line. There are dolls like “Hemorrhoid”, “Shit-For-Brains” (so called for good reason) and “Dildo” which come to life in the film’s climax (no pun intended) to help fight the Gingerdead Man.

If you don’t mind the absurdity of it all, you will probably enjoy PASSION OF THE CRUST. However, if you can’t stand weird films – or if you don’t have a sense of humor about them – this will NOT be your cup of tea.

Oh goodie: the next movie in the series is to be called GINGERDEAD MAN 3: SATURDAY NIGHT CLEAVER.