MORE PUNCHLINES

50 pounds and a black dress.
A bull with a cleft palate.
A dry Martinez.
A frog in a blender.
A kid who spray paints his name on chain link fences.
A snowblower that doesn’t work.
A toilet doesn’t follow you around for months after you use it.
About 300 yen.
An Italian suppository.
And so Vanna White says to Mother Theresa, "Bitch!”
Asthma? But I thought you said you would run away with me!
At your wedding, father!
Because everyone is always getting rear ended over there!
Because it was stapled to the chicken!
Because the cats bury them.
But Franklin, I’m not even WEARING a gas mask!
Dalai Lama, Dolly Parton – there's a difference?
Doritos!
Every time we get in the shower together, she starts molting!
Forget the honeymoon, the alimony will give me a better screwing!
Gee, we put cream and sugar on ours!
Getting a second opinion.
Good grief, can it whistle too?
He must be fine, he stopped yellin’ yesterday!
Hey lady, don’t you have anything smaller?
Hold on, let me get my hat.
How much for a season pass?
I did that already – you start back to work on Monday!
I don't care how hard-up you are, nobody masturbates to the Pottery Barn catalog.
I don't know, but it's on your left shoulder!
I just took a couple of inches off the top of your rain boots.
I prefer white meat, but the rosemary was an inspired addition to the recipe.
I think I’ll have the buffet.
I thought it was your butt – everything else is so high around here!
I thought you said “goat”!
I wanted to see how I would look with a beard.
I was so busy eating potatoes and listening to U2, I forgot to get drunk!
I was talking to the duck.
I’m going to start grazing, but you better brace yourself.
I’m going upstairs to get my teeth!
If this doesn’t work, come back and we’ll put you to sleep.
If you think that's good, wait till you see the floor show!
In a pinch, you could eat the bowling ball.
It opens on impact.
It tastes just like Spotted Owl, Your Honor.
It’s your turn in the barrel tonight.
I've got you fooled today, I'm not wearing any!
Jell-O shakes when you eat it.
Madam, that's not a fly in your soup – it's a tiny spool of pubic hair!
Make up your mind – I have to readjust the chair!
May I ask what the chicken did?
New Jersey got to choose first.
No, but you'll find out what that thing is for!
No, we figured out what's causing it!
No, we just use the camel to ride into town.
None of us could get the lid off the specimen cup.
Not enough sand.
Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon’!
OK, now it's MY turn to cough!
Okay, whose nipples are whistling?
Only two, but I don't know how they got in there!
Six more weeks of basketball season.
So did I. I just didn’t think he would do it again.
So the moral of the story is, never get a vasectomy from an unlicensed electrician!
So they can look like their mothers!
So they’ll have someplace to park their bicycles.
Someone who knocks on your door for no reason!
Someone yelling “Bingo!”
Sure, let me hold your monkey!
Tell that to Mrs. Truman!
That wasn't Jamaican Gold – it was a pile of my bunion shavings!
That's no lady, that's Maury Povich!
That's no woman! That's my wife! My wife the circus gorilla!
Then you are a mile away and you have no shoes.
They always eat what they shoot.
They have three and a half inch floppies!
They’re both meat substitutes.
To hide the No-Pest Strips.
To impress Jodie Foster.
To keep the Cheerleaders from grazing.
To prove he had guts!
Toxic Sock Syndrome!
Two! One to hide INSIDE the cardboard box and one to secrete!
Wanna go make out behind Fuddruckers?
Well captain, you told me to keep the cockpit clean!
Well, I can’t ever show my face in McDonald’s again!
Well, why don't you ask him? Maybe he'll let you!
What did you expect for 10 bucks – lobster?
What paté? This is my stool sample.
Whoa! I don’t remember eating THAT!Do you think I should’ve said “DiMaggio”?
Yep, she's pregnant too!
You can’t let these things hatch!
You know the rules – no arms, no cookies!
You must have an awfully wide stance.
You should see me when I'm clog-dancing topless!
You’re right, it DOES feel like your wife’s butt!
Your name never came up.